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Late-night TV hosts offer jokes and disgust about Harvey Weinstein’s ‘monstrous behavior’

October 10, 2017 6:05 AM
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Last week, some people — including President Trump’s son — made it clear: They were not happy that late-night TV hosts barely mentioned Harvey Weinstein, the famous Hollywood producer and subject of a bombshell New York Times story on Thursday alleging decades of sexual harrassment against women. Perhaps, critics thought, the TV stars were ignoring the allegations because Weinstein is a well-known Democrat.

“Famed Hollywood producer and ‘human Shrek’ Harvey Weinstein is a bad person. Now, if you’re not familiar, Harvey Weinstein is responsible for ‘The English Patient,’ ‘Good Will Hunting,’ ‘Shakespeare in Love,” and other movies your mom liked in the ’90s.”

“Harvey Weinstein is no longer in the Weinstein Company, forcing them to change their name from the Weinstein Company to something more positive: Asbestos Child Slappers, Inc.”

“Some of the details of what Weinstein did are pretty terrible. For example, he apparently required some female employees to be present while he bathed. Which explains the job listing: ‘Must type 90 words per minute and enjoy vomiting.’ ”

“A local reporter in New York said Weinstein forced her to watch him masturbate into a potted plant. Pro tip: if you ever have dinner at Harvey Weinstein’s house, avoid the fresh basil. And after the salad’s been served, when he comes around the table, that’s not a pepper grinder he’s holding.”

“Now, this is monstrous behavior that, in a just world, would not have been allowed to go on for decades. It is indefensible. Weinstein immediately defended it, saying, ‘I came of age in the ‘6os and ’70s when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different.’ And Weinstein’s lawyers called him ‘an old dinosaur learning new ways.’ Okay, A) That’s no excuse. B) Dinosaurs did not touch themselves in front of the employees. The T-Rex’s arms were way too short.”

“What’s the difference between Harvey Weinstein and the Pillsbury Doughboy? When the Pillsbury Doughboy offers you a roll, he doesn’t ask you to watch him take a shower for it.”

“Harvey Weinstein was fired by his company yesterday for being accused of sexual harassment. Not good. They said if he keeps it up, he’ll wind up with his own show on Fox News.”

“After new allegations emerged that he had engaged in decades of sexual harassment, Oscar-winning film producer Harvey Weinstein was fired from his firm, the Weinstein Company. He was fired for violating the company’s very strict ’27 strikes and you’re out’ rule.”

“Some of the things Harvey Weinstein is accused of, they’re pretty despicable. Even hurricane Harvey was like ‘Dude, you’re giving me a bad name.’ ”

“The fact is, his behavior left room for only two options: Fire him from the Weinstein Company. Or elect him president of the United States.”

As he is known to do, Meyers let his writers weigh in on the news. Amber Ruffin, Ally Hord and Jenny Hagel joined Meyers on stage, and at first, things were serious.

Hord: “I was disgusted and shocked that it took this long to become a story.”

Hagel: “I was disgusted and shocked that people were shocked. Seth, we want to start by applauding the women who went on the record to detail Harvey Weinstein’s terrible behavior.”

Ruffin: “So far we know Weinstein reached cash settlements with eight women. And where there are eight there are always more.”

Hord: “And whatever details you hear, just know that means there are worse details we haven’t heard.”

Hagel: “One woman said Harvey Weinstein cornered her in a nightclub. And then, when she wouldn’t kiss him, masturbated into a potted plant.”


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